Now that burnout is an official medical diagnosis, I think it’s a good time to bring some simplicity back into our lives this summer.
There is always the temptation of the zillion great summer camp options available. I’ll admit I signed up for a week long one, one for each of my kids with the school they will be attending in the fall. The intention was to practice getting used to that school so drop off in the fall would be a breeze for both kid and me… mostly me.
This simple summer phenomena is not genius. It was how I was raised and probably how most of you and your parents were raised. With how complicated life seems to be today, here is what we will be doing to bring simplicity back. Beware, your kids may be bored at times, but I think that’s good! That’s when creativity is born!
Set up a safety town outside in the driveway. Grandma sent kid size street signs that are easy to set up and take down.
Host a lemonade stand and have your child make flyers to drop off at the neighbor’s house (this is the entrepreneur in me).
Swim, swim, swim! At home or a local pool (invite friends over, play pool games, etc.).
Play in the back yard. Sit toys or objects out and let the kids use their imagination to build and play.
Set up different areas in the house with different activities (e.g., front yard is sidewalk chalk, media room is trains, office is reading).
Go on a walk.
Go to a splash pad.
Pick vegetables at your garden or a local garden.
Water plants and teach your child about taking care of the environment.
Help clean up and make it a game.
Help mom cook! Teach your child about measuring cups, measuring spoons and practice the names of the ingredients.
We recently partnered up with Carly Snyder, M.D., who specializes in comprehensive reproductive health care and makes it her mission to help moms feel empowered and achieve life balance. Read below for our Q&A to learn more about Carly and her wonderful work with women’s health.
Q: What is your approach to help mothers optimize the body and mind pre- and post-birth? Are there certain services you provide that you find most beneficial for new moms?
A: The changes that occur in life from conception through baby’s first year of life are astronomical, and the impact of these changes on a woman’s sense of self is similarly huge. I spend a lot of time talking to my patients while they are still pregnant about identity and ways to incorporate their new identity as a mom into their current self, rather than feeling as if they are losing part of themselves with the arrival of their baby. I also work with women a lot on ways to feel proud and to own their changing bodies.
We focus a lot on living in the moment with a woman’s partner during pregnancy and enjoying the time until baby comes as a couple, appreciating one another and strengthening the relationship and continuing to function as a couple once baby arrives in addition to acting as co-parents. Too often after having a baby, couples transition to being parents and intimacy goes out the window. It is imperative that a strong bond be nurtured during pregnancy and then be reinforced after baby’s birth by having date nights and baby-free conversations. Pre-planning these date nights in advance, setting up a schedule with baby sitters lined up on a regular basis, establishes that the relationship remains important even after baby has arrived.
My patients and I also work hard on communication, speaking up about how a woman feels in the moment and making her needs known. During pregnancy and especially after the birth of a baby, new moms can feel as if their needs are secondary to their babies, but it is incredibly important that women feel empowered to speak up for themselves and to talk about their feelings and their needs openly. We explore what barriers they may have to opening up with loved ones about their experiences and then how to surmount these barriers so that open communication can occur freely going forward.
Another area that I focus on with my patients is making a sleep schedule during pregnancy for once the baby arrives to ensure that mom continues to get adequate rest. Whether mom is breast or bottle feeding, it is imperative that she sleeps at least six hours a night and ideally that she has can have uninterrupted sleep of three or more hours at a time. Moms are already exhausted as a result of labor and delivery when they leave the hospital with a newborn, and our country has no established supports in place to help new moms, so we must pre-plan to ensure that mom does not have to face feeding a baby every 2-3 hours every night on her own from day one onwards. This is only possible if mom has supports in place in advance, be it her partner, a family member, a postpartum doula or a baby nurse. A plan must be set up before baby arrives because otherwise mom will take on the full responsibility, and then she will undoubtably become exhausted and this can steam roll into feelings of sadness and a sense of being overwhelmed very quickly.
I also spend a lot of time discussing what are ‘normal and expected’ levels of anxiety and tearfulness during and after pregnancy, and at what point symptoms can be considered more significant and would warrant treatment, perhaps with more intense therapy, or with medication or with an increase in dose of medication if a woman is already taking something. Pregnancy is inherently anxiety inducing, and so is having a newborn. It is expected that new parents will be scared at times and will feel overwhelmed. At the same time, it is also important that women are able to control their anxiety and not feel that their anxiety or moments of sadness are engulfing them or taking over their lives. Parenthood will forever be scary because we love our children more than anything but cannot protect them from the outside world. We need to be able to compartmentalize our fears rather than allow the fears to control us because living in such a state of terror is not good for us or for our children.
Q: Why is it so important for mothers to focus on their mental health throughout the child bearing process?
A: Mom deserves to enjoy her pregnancy and the postpartum period as much as possible and this is impossible while struggling with a Perinatal Mood and/or Anxiety Disorder (PMAD). Mom’s mental health is intimately connected to her baby’s physical and emotional health both during and after pregnancy. Research consistently demonstrates that mom’s emotional state impacts her growing fetus and that feeling consistently severely anxious and/or depressed during pregnancy can have negative implications for a baby in the short and long run. Similarly, having a postpartum mood disorder is hard not just for mom, but also for everyone in the family.
Q: Tell us about your radio show, MD for Moms. What can listeners expect to hear and learn from tuning in each week, and how can listeners tune in?
A: MD for Moms is a show dedicated to helping women enjoy life more, to maximizing health and wellness and to improving women’s relationships with themselves and with others. For the last year and a half I have focused on what I call my “Mama Docs On Call” Series where I introduce my listeners to physicians who are also moms, like me, and they are on the show to provide information and support geared to moms and their families. We discuss topics ranging from women’s health and wellness issues to child-related concerns. It’s really a conversation between myself and a leader in a field of medicine, and listeners are invited to call in live with their questions throughout the show. For example, some recent shows included one with an OBGYN who answered every GYN question we all have but never remember or want to ask during our annual appointments, another show was with a pediatrician who is also a Lactation Consultant and we discussed breast feeding; another show was with an ER pediatrician who has taken on a special interest in keeping kids safe on-line, and we did a two part series on how to keep kids safe on social media… upcoming shows include a discussion on autoimmune diseases and fatigue, on childhood headaches, infertility, having a baby in the NICU, and so much more. The show is booked all the way through the new year and beyond – it is really exciting. Each week I post the upcoming show information on my blog as well as on social media. The shows air live on the BBM Global Network (on the internet), on TuneIn and iHeart Radio at 1pm ET every Wednesday or you can listen to it as a podcast. Just search for MD for Moms on iTunes podcasts and there are about 115 or so shows available for download.
ATTN New Yorkers – It’s time to get out and help others living in that beautiful city of yours! Volunteering comes in all shapes and sizes, and no volunteer activity is too small.
We had the opportunity to learn more about New York Cares and the amazing volunteer opportunities that they offer. We were particularly taken by their kid-friendly volunteer opportunities where children and their parents can learn, give back and grow together, all while doing some good. Read below for our Q&A with Cynthia Chovan-Dalton, Director of Development, Individual Giving & Special Events at New York Cares and learn how your family can give back!
Q: Tell us about New York Cares Family Day on September 22nd. What does the event entail? Who can volunteer?
A: The New York Cares Family Day of Service on September 22nd will be a fun and educational event to introduce children to volunteering and giving back to the community. There will be eight stations that families can travel among to learn about different issues areas and participate in service projects such as packing baby boxes for families with newborns, making cards for seniors to brighten their day, creating seed balls for New York City parks, and learning how a family can collect coats to participate in New York Cares 31st Annual Coat Drive. The activities are designed for children ages 6-12, but younger and older children can attend (space for stroller parking is available). Parents can attend an express orientation for New York Cares volunteers, and then sign up for additional volunteer projects that are family-friendly. There are projects open to children as young as 6.
More information on the event can be found on our website.
Q: What are some other family-friendly volunteer events that you offer?
A: New York Cares Day for Schools on October 19 will have a family-friendly site. The New York Cares Family Council will plan additional volunteer projects over the course of the year that are exclusively for families, including a family-friendly coat sorting for the Coat Drive, a card-making opportunity for seniors or veterans, and a park revitalization project. Families can also search here for additional opportunities that allow children.
Q: How can someone sign up to be a volunteer? Can people of all ages sign up to volunteer?
A: Parents and guardians must create a New York Cares volunteer account and attend an orientation. They can then sign up for volunteer projects; for each project they must complete a Family Friendly Waiver. If a project is not one of the exclusive family projects organized by the Family Council, the parent or guardian must email the Team Leader of the project to let them know they will be bringing their child.
Q: What are some benefits you see families receiving after volunteering together?
A: We’ve heard from many parents that their time is limited and while they want to volunteer, they must prioritize family time. The solution is to volunteer with your kids! This will allow parents to pass on to their children the values of giving back and civic engagement that they feel are important. And research indicates that service-learning activities can reduce stereotypes, facilitate cultural and racial understanding, and increase interpersonal development, leadership, and communication skills. Children who volunteer are more successful in school, are three times more likely to volunteer as adults, and are more apt to vote.
A special thanks to Cynthia Chovan-Dalton for working with us for this Q&A blog post. Happy volunteering, readers!
Young female volunteer marks a cardboard box with a pencil.
Growing up, my sisters and I knew all about what the word “discipline” meant. For us, it usually involved things like the time-out chair, stripped phone privileges (we’re talking landline phone here), weekends spent at home, or the mega, Mom uttering the words, “Wait till your father gets home.”
It seems as if over time the definition of “discipline” and the actions around it change as the generations do. I’m guessing the word meant something completely different for my parent’s parents, and will evolve again with young children today.
So, how can parents all be on the same page as to what discipline means, and how can it be implemented in parenting styles so it is successful with children?
In a recent article published by The Bump, they focus their subject around discipline. Researchers, Scientists, and Experts gathered a list of 27 tips to help parents make sure that discipline sticks with their children. Read below for a snapshot of the four discipline rules and for the full article and tip list, visit The Bump.
Rule 1: Stay calm – Showing composure will teach your child how to properly manage their emotions from angry to a calm state.
Rule 2: Teach a lesson – Turn to timeouts when your kids are old enough to potty train.
Rule 3: Set expectations – Bring up the possibility of discipline and try to articulate that specific rules are not flexible.
Rule 4: Don’t tolerate violence – Don’t use violence. Modeling proper behavior is more practical than telling a child how they should act.
While doulas are becoming a more common addition to an expectant
families birth or postpartum plan, many still aren’t quite sure what a doula
actually does. Below is a brief overview of the ways Birth and
Postpartum Doulas help the families they work with.
Birth Doulas
We recommend families start interviewing Birth Doulas during the second trimester of pregnancy. It can take a few weeks to line up interviews to find the perfect doula fit. Once hired, your doula is available to you for any questions you may have over email, phone or text. You can also expect:
Pre-birth: during the third trimester, your doula will schedule prenatal meetings. These are valuable sessions to help plan for the day of birth. Your doula will review any childbirth education classes you may have taken and answer any questions you might have. She’ll also help you make a few logistical plans for the day of birth. We never know exactly how labor will unfold, however having a few different plans for how labor may start can be particularly helpful.
Your doula will also help you practice different comfort
measures for labor. This may be a combination of movements, breathing
techniques, guided imagery, hypnosis, massage techniques and more. She’ll help
your partner be prepared for when labor starts, with some guidance on helping
you during early labor when contractions are mild.
Day of: on the day of your birth your doula will be on call and ready to meet you when you need support. She can meet you either at your home or hospital, whichever works best depending on how your labor is progressing. Your doula is your guide – she’ll help you manage contractions by coaching you through breathing and comfort techniques. She’ll encourage you every step of the way. For your partner, she’ll help normalize the experience and be a reassuring presence.
At the hospital, your doula will help you settle in and be as
comfortable as possible. She’ll help you dialog with medical staff and make
sure you have all the information you need to make decisions should they arise.
If an epidural is requested, doulas have lots of techniques to help clients
rest in different positions to help facilitate the baby’s decent into the birth
canal.
Every step of the way during your labor, your doula is there for
you and your partner, whether it’s gathering supplies, getting you a drink of
water, or offering a massage.
Following the birth of your baby, your doula will help you with
the first latch, get you settled in with a high protein snack, take some family
photos if you’d like, and help you be as comfortable as possible for those
early bonding hours.
Postpartum: after you’re settled in at home, your Birth Doula
will return within the first one to two weeks after the birth to have a
postpartum check in session. This is a wonderful time to recap the birth
experience together. This is also a good time to trouble shoot any lactation,
newborn care or postpartum healing questions that may have come up. Your doula
will be able to direct you to community resources if they’re needed.
Postpartum Doulas
Preparing for the postpartum period, aka “the fourth trimester”
is incredibly important for the whole family unit. You’ll never regret setting
yourself up with help so you can rest and focus on feeding your baby during
those early weeks and months.
Postpartum Doulas are available to assist families either during
the day or overnight. Daytime doulas spend a lot of their time focusing on
guidance and education for the new family. This might include assisting with
breastfeeding and latching, teaching newborn care such as bathing, swaddling,
and soothing techniques.
In addition to baby care, the postpartum doula can also run
errands, prepare meals, tidy up the home, and attend to things that help the
day move forward for the household. Your postpartum doula is your guide- she’ll
help you develop and strengthen your parenting confidence so that when she’s
not there, you feel secure with your baby.
Overnight doulas are typically hired so new parents can get as
much sleep as possible. For moms who are breastfeeding, the postpartum doula
can provide support during nighttime feedings if needed. Although mom will need
to wake to breastfeed, the doula handles all the diaper changes, swaddling and
soothing so mom can get some much needed rest in between feeds. She can also
make you a middle of the night snack, and have breakfast ready for you in the
morning.
Postpartum doulas typically work with families anywhere from the
first 2-3 weeks following the birth, all the way up to the first 5-6 months
depending on the family’s needs. We recommend families interview postpartum
doulas in the third trimester of pregnancy, though many clients hire postpartum
help after the baby is born.
If you’d like to learn more about birth and postpartum doula services, or have questions about your particular situation, feel free to reach out to Baby Caravan: [email protected] or @babycaravan on Instagram.
3 months
About Baby Caravan
Baby
Caravan provides holistic support for families, from pregnancy through
returning to work postpartum. Founded in 2014, Baby Caravan’s mission is to
provide families in New York City with exceptional birth and postpartum
knowledge, guidance and resources through our network of professional Birth
& Postpartum Doulas. We connect families with vetted doulas, to best meet
their needs during this special, yet challenging time. In addition to doula
services, Baby Caravan coaches moms returning to work following maternity leave
to help smooth the transition back to work.
Written by our guest blog partner Jennifer Mayer, Founder Baby Caravan
Big City Moms has always supporting LLD & BFC, invited us a while back to their Sleep Experts Lunch to speak about the importance of communicating bedtime routines to your sitter. Here are a few important tips!
1. Give your sitter a tour of your home. Show your sitter the kids rooms, point out dangerous areas you want the kids to stay away from and give specific instructions on how things work.
2. Bedtime Rules. Talk to your sitter about your bedtime routine with the kids i.e. What time do you begin to wind down the night? What is your child’s favorite story and/or bedtime song? What time should they be asleep by?
3. Special Instructions. Are there any special rules you have? Do your kids have any allergies the sitter should know about? Are the kid’s sick and need medicine?
4. Exchange Contact Info. Be sure to leave your sitter with your cell phone and an emergency contact numbers. Be sure to get her cell phone number so that you can text her throughout the night if you have any questions or to check in.
5. Anything else? Sitters are happy to lend a helping hand. If you’d like them to unload the dishwasher or change the laundry most sitters won’t mind. Especially once they have been at your home a few times and you feel connected to them. They will be happy to help!
I stayed to listen to Kira Ryan, mom, sleep lover and co-founder of Dream Team speak about her infant& toddler sleep tips. Here are a few!
Newborns should get 15-18 hours of sleep per day (24hrs)
A good bedtime for an infant is between 6-8pm
Signs of a sleepy infant: the cry is different, no engagement or eye contact, fussy
What is normal?
Up to 6 mo infants take naps every1 ½ -2 hours
At 6mo infants usually take 2 naps per day
15-18 mo 1 long nap in the afternoon
Naps or ‘quiet time’ is recommended up to 3-4 years
White noise machines are great especially for city noise
Crib should be a sleep sanctuary, anything that screams party or playground should be removed
Check the nursery temperature! It should be between 68-72 F.
What are the best burping techniques? I have heard so many. I just want to communicate the best one to my sitter when I leave her with my infant. What do you recommend?
-Tooty Twins
Dear Tooty Twins,
Yes that is true, everyone seems to have their own method, which makes sense because every baby is different. What works for your lil’ one may not work for another. Try out a few different positions & see which one seems to mesh with your infant the best. Sometimes I also find switching from one burping position to to the other helps the baby release gas. Here are my top 3 burping positions that seem to work best with an infant:
– Hold your baby with their chin near your shoulder, support the baby with one hand and gently pat/rub their back with the other to sooth them while allowing their body to stretch out
– Sit your baby on your lap with one hand supporting their chin and pat/rub their back
– Lay your baby at a slight angle (with their head higher then their chest) on your lap facing you, rub their belly to sooth them while they stretch out their body. I use this method as a last resort after trying the first two above
Right after burping. The twins are as happy as can be.
Remember to support your lil’ ones head and pat/rub gently. Your baby doesn’t always need to be burped, if he or she seems happy, they’re probably comfortable. And don’t forget to use a burp cloth regardless of the method you choose.
This was the first year my oldest daughter really understood the whole concept of Santa Clause. In year’s past, we told her the gifts came from him, but she was too young to comprehend all the reindeer, sled, and cookie-eating details. My husband and I realized we needed to get our “Santa game” going when Avery started asking lots of questions…..was Santa was going to bring her gifts this year? How was he going to fit down the chimney? What happens if one of his reindeers gets sick? Does he like chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin cookies? I have no idea where she was getting all of these questions, but I knew we needed answers quick and those answers needed to be consistent between me and her Dad!
Once we got our stories straight, the fun really began! She was so curious and wanted to watch every movie and read every book on this mysterious Santa Clause. We went to visit him and two of his reindeer, Snowball and Sven (children of Dasher), and this really blew her mind. She asked Santa to bring her two simple gifts and we were relieved! We could totally manage to get her a book and a soft bear without throwing the pocketbook off for the month. The joy from meeting Santa for the first time put a smile on her face that seemed to never end. She was genuinely fascinated that he would take the time to come to our home town when he had so much work to do to get ready for Christmas. We told her that is just what Santa does because he loves good little boys and girls so much!
On Christmas Eve, the anticipation was killing Avery! So many questions on her little mind. Would Santa really come? Would he eat the cookies she left for him? Drink the milk? Remember what she wanted and deliver on her requests? After she was all tucked in, we set the stage for her mind to be blown yet again. We gobbled down the cookies, chugged the milk, and placed the two gifts – a book and a soft bear – under the tree. We double checked that both girls were fast asleep and hit the sack ourselves. The next morning was truly priceless. She was ecstatic over every detail and loved the gifts. She couldn’t believe he remembered what she had asked for! It was a morning to remember for the whole family.
Although Santa Clause and gifts are not the true reason for the season, it was fun to watch her imagination run wild this holiday season! Can’t wait to do it all again next year!
With the end of the year traditionally high season for a deluge of new babies, we wanted to re-post some oldies but goodies.
One thing in particular that I have been obsessed with is swaddling. The twins were literally taken from the womb & placed immediately into a swaddle.
Here is what a swaddle looks like.
This simple technique mastered by many hospitals to comfort a newborns is preached to new moms as they take their lil’ ones home & boy does it work. The twins stay nestled in a swaddle all day & night. They are completely at ease. It’s when they are taken out of the swaddle for one of their many changes that it gets loud.
Swaddling is quick & easy. Most swaddle blankets even include instruction. Check out these photos to show you how to properly swaddle a baby.
Why swaddle?
Keeps baby cozy and mimics the womb
Helps reduce nighttime scratching
Helps regulate baby’s temperature until that fully develops
Can soothe an overstimulated lil’ one
This technique definitely isn’t a one-size fits all solution for helping a lil’ one sleep, but it sure works on my twin nieces & was highly recommended by the nursing staff at Mount Sinai.
While in the midst of the holiday season it can seem overwhelming with the abundance of new toys, clothes and other additions to your home. Don’t wait for spring… Get organized now!
It’s a great time of year to get rid of the old and donate it, sell it or pass it on. Then get the kids involved and identify where the new toys or misc. items will now live (their designated space) in your home, especially the kids’ room. When children understand that jackets are hung up, hats and gloves go in the designated drawer or bin and socks and shoes also have their own home you will be amazed at how much time, frustration and arguments you reduce. With the younger kids I like to make a game out of it and with the older kids, it’s about being responsible for their belongings and taking care of their stuff. This is a great time to allow natural consequences be the lesson.
As parents and caregivers we have to make sure we are modeling that same behavior and respect with our things. If everything has its home and is organized, it becomes a habit and it will drastically improve transitions, playtime, bedtime, homework and leaving the house. I find simple, kid friendly; organization is the foundation of teaching children about personal responsibility, respect, time management and appreciation.
For more information on quick & easy to implement organizing solutions for your family send an email to [email protected].
