Category Archives: Parenting

Parenting

Finding Clarity in Change: Our Founder Talks Divorce Support with Tamar Queen Barbash

We’re excited to introduce you to Tamar Queen Barbash, a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach and the founder of New Beginnings Breakup and Divorce Coaching. Tamar works with people going through divorce to help them manage conflict throughout the process and remain focused on their needs and visions for the future. Read below as our Founder & Owner, Lindsay Bell, asks questions to learn more about Tamar’s goals and how she supports clients to make the best possible decisions based on their specific interests, needs, and concerns.

Q: How do we know if what we’re experiencing is a rough season or a deeper issue that needs intervention?

A: This can be a very difficult question for people to answer, but the key is getting in touch with what our own wants and needs are when it comes to marriage. To get to the bottom of this one question, we have to ask ourselves many more. What do I want to be getting from my marriage? In what ways do I want my spouse to support me, enhance my life, and be my partner? How do my marriage and my partner currently measure up to these criteria? Did they used to measure up better and it’s only recently begun to feel off or have things felt not good for a long time? It can be very hard to exist in a marriage that isn’t working, and it can be very hard to make the decision to leave. We have to figure out which hard can be the conduit to something better and more fulfilling.

Q: What mistakes do parents often make when deciding “for the kids,” and how can we avoid them?

A: Children need adults in their lives who behave like adults. Children need to feel safe, so the worst thing for children is adults who engage in toxic behaviors while their kids are observing and getting caught in the middle. But this behavior is not unique to divorce. Many married couples exist in homes with significant dysfunction. Keeping a toxic environment intact so that kids can avoid experiencing divorce is not actually helping children. Removing them from the dysfunction and committing to prioritizing them is always going to be in their best interest.

Divorce does not, in and of itself, harm children. And staying together is not, in and of itself, better for children. The key is always going to be the adults, in all situations, making sure that the needs of the children are prioritized and that their exposure to toxic behavior is minimized.  

Q: How can we talk to our children about relationship challenges without burdening them?

A: There is very little reason to talk to children about relationship challenges, unless a decision to separate or divorce has been made. At that point, a united message is best and it should focus on the facts of what is happening, not the details of the relationship or the cause of the split. What is most important is that children understand that they are loved and that the relationship between their parents is completely separate from the relationship their parents have with them. It’s also crucial to avoid bad-mouthing your child’s other parent to your child, no matter how badly you feel it’s warranted.

Q: How can we reduce conflict in front of our kids even if we’re struggling privately?

A: Working with a divorce coach is an incredibly effective way to avoid escalating conflict. It will give you an opportunity to talk through your frustrations, begin to recognize your conflict styles, and strategize about the best ways to reduce conflict when things get difficult.

The key here is being intentional about your actions and comments, and not reacting instinctively and emotionally every time your buttons get pushed. Recognizing when you’re starting to feel triggered is an important skill to try and develop. Having a quick phrase that you use with your spouse when you begin to feel yourself losing control is a great way to reduce conflict, especially when children are present. Something like “It doesn’t feel like we’re going to have a productive conversation about this right now. Let’s table it until later.” This gives you time to consider the topic at hand, decide how you want to respond intentionally and strategically, and ends the potentially unpleasant exchange.

Q: What does success look like for families who work through this thoughtfully?

A: The great thing about this is that it’s entirely up to us. We get to decide what success looks like for us. People think of divorce as an ending, which it is, but it is also the beginning of a new dynamic that we get to build. It’s new, and it’s not the life we envisioned. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be great.

Successful divorce looks different for everyone. But if we can focus on accepting the new reality and making intentional choices to make our lives what we want them to be, then the possibilities are endless.

There is always going to be grief and loss associated with divorce. But loss gives way to new opportunities. And we get to decide what those new opportunities look like for ourselves and for our kids.

Looking to hire a babysitter or nanny for your family? Do you have friends that you want to refer who love children and want to be a sitter or nanny? Learn why Bell Family is the best childcare agency in the business, with childcare providers available across the U.S. (on-demand service available in the Tri-state & Dallas areas). Contact us today!

Parenting

Getting Kids on a Routine

Is it tough for your kids to transition from summer’s lazy days to school’s rigorous schedule? It is for mine. 

I wanted to come up with a way to get everyone acclimated so it was not such a struggle. To help get my kids on a routine, I write out an agenda or schedule of sorts for them to follow the next day. Some may call this micromanaging, but if they don’t have a to-do list they are completely lost at home over the summer.

Each of my kids get an index card with a schedule and it looks something like this:

• 7:30 am – Wake up, eat breakfast, make bed and pick up room
• 8:30 am – Brain exercises
• 9:30 am – Outside play (basketball, pickle ball, ride bike, go on a walk/hike)
• 11 am – Snack time 
• 12 pm – Lunch
• 1 pm – Read and practice multiplication (my husband offered them a treat if they know their times tables by end of summer)
• 2 pm – Kid’s choice (they play board games or cards)
• 3 pm – Video games (reward time)
• 4 pm – Swim 

As the day goes on, they cross items off their index card and feel a sense of accomplishment! Do they get off course, yes, but at least it provides them with some guidance throughout the day.

Looking to hire a babysitter or nanny? Bell Family Company provides fully vetted & FULLY VACCINATED on demand babysitting, including full and part time nannies, baby nurses, temporary care and more! Learn why BFC is the best childcare agency, with childcare providers available across the U.S. (on-demand service available in the Tri-state & Dallas areas). Contact us today to hire.

Parenting

Morning Routine: How Moms Handle the Morning Chaos

If you’re a mom, you know that mornings can bring a certain level of stress. From waking everyone up, prepping breakfast and school lunches to getting the kiddos off to school, it’s not an easy haul.

We talked with four different moms with kids ages 7 months to 9 years to hear about their morning routines and to share tips with other moms. Here’s what they had to say.

Lindsay, mom of 3 (ages 7 months, 4 and 6) My morning routine starts early. I’m usually up twice in the wee hours of the morning when my baby wakes up. Last night I was up at 3 a.m. to feed my baby a bottle, burp and change her. She’s teething, and when I pick her up to sooth her she barfs on me. I change everything and get back to bed around 4 a.m. At 7 a.m. my two older sons run into my bed and jump on me. They want to play Wordle, so they grab my phone and I watch as my oldest keeps swiping up to get my email notifications off the screen. Soon after, my husband comes in and plops the baby on me and says he has to take a shower. At this moment, I have three kids on me (one is not dressed and has Nutella all over his face while on my white comforter… Grrrr!).

We head into the kitchen and I sit at the kid’s table trying to motivate them to eat and get dressed, while my husband repeatedly says, “We are going to be late for school.”

Our nanny arrives around 10 a.m. to help tidy up the kitchen and care for the baby. At that time, I’m finally able to get dressed and brush my teeth and head to my at-home office to start my workday.

Courtney, mom of 3 (ages 3 and 9 year old twins) Mornings, particularly weekday mornings, are not for the faint of heart. I remember calculating how many things I did one morning and felt I deserved a major reward.

My husband works six days a week and is usually out the door before I brush my teeth. So, with that being said, I have a lot on my plate with getting the kids dressed, beds made, backpacks packed, breakfast, snacks, and on and on. I’m also trying to check email in the morning while all of this is unfolding (sigh). For the most part these days have become somewhat of a routine, but don’t let that fool you. Someone might have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed, which creates another level of chaos. But yes, the routine helps and also a lot of deep breathing and coffee. 

Jamie, mom of 1 (age 9 months) When does the morning even start? My 9 month old daughter still wakes up 2-3 times per night, with a final wake up at sunrise around 7 a.m. She usually crawls around in our bed a bit until one or both parents are ready to function. Each morning, I take my daughter over to our bedroom window for her to greet the day. We say “Good morning, world – Good Morning, birds – Good morning, cars.” She loves it and just lights up!

Once we make our way downstairs, my husband will feed the baby while I get ready for work. On the days I go into the office, I drive to the train station to catch the 8:05 a.m. train into Washington, DC. On WFH days, I’ll lounge around a bit more and feed the baby in the morning so my husband gets a moment.

No two days are the same. It’s a lot of on-demand attention to what’s needed hour-by-hour. The flexibility has its benefits, but a little structure is also helpful. The days we have childcare help are always smoother and more balanced.

Katie, mom of 3 (ages 2, 4 and 5) I get my youngest son up from bed at 6 a.m. and then my next move is to immediately head to the coffee machine. Luckily, my husband and I rotate the early morning waker each day so the other can get an extra hour of sleep. I get him his breakfast and squeeze in some snuggles before I head back to the kitchen to start filling water bottles and getting things ready for school. Oh, and meanwhile, I’m checking work emails to see if any of my Europe clients have urgent requests. Perks of working for a global pharma company. 

The other two kids head downstairs at 7 a.m. and everyone has their breakfast. Peppa Pig or Spider-Man can be seen on the TV in the background. They assist me in keeping the kids in one place as I get them dressed and do their hair.

I run upstairs around 7:30 to change and get ready. I come back downstairs (in record time) to load everyone in my car with my husband. At least one person is screaming or having an exorcism. I drop the youngest two off at daycare (we do part-time daycare and part-time nanny care) and then my oldest and I head to Dunkin’ to consume our breakfast (which includes a large coffee for me). This stop on the way to the carpool line is religious to my morning routine. If I had to chose between Dunkin’ and my husband … I’d need a few minutes to think.

Looking to hire a babysitter or nanny? Bell Family Company provides fully vetted & FULLY VACCINATED on-demand babysitting, including full and part time nannies, baby nurses, temporary care, help with virtual learning, and more! Learn why BFC is the best childcare agency, with childcare providers available across the U.S. (on-demand service available in the tri-state area). Contact us today to hire!

Parenting

Childcare During a Pandemic: What Moms Are Doing Across Different Regions

In today’s day and age, there is no one clear path when it comes to childcare. Parents have had to be flexible in completely new ways, and every parenting situation is different based off of their children’s ages, work schedule and area they live in. We talked with three different moms in three different regions across the U.S. to see what their current childcare plan is. Here is what they said.

Lindsay, southern mom with 3 children (ages 6 m/o, 4 & 5)

Work scene: Full or part time depending on the week. I work from home in my home office downstairs (adult zone) and the upstairs is a full blown kid zone. I keep my computer open throughout the day and have set ‘office hours’ four days per week; I ad hoc work as needed. I try to get out of the house and work in a coffee shop once a week, but do most of my work at home. 

Childcare scene: I have reoccurring sitters four days per week (hours vary each day depending on my schedule) plus at least one date night every two weeks. Babysitters and kids stay upstairs so I can try to separate work and family, but that doesn’t always happen. My two oldest are in school full time M-F and the baby is home. The biggest challenge is sickness, and trying to care for my babies and my business at the same time. Sometimes I have to surrender and reschedule all my work for the next day. Balance is always a work in progress. 

Katie, midwest mom with 3 children (ages 2 , 3 & 5)

Work scene: Work from home full time. I didn’t have one week of work in December without a kid home and me working at the same time.

Childcare scene: My oldest is in kindergarten in person full time, while the other two mix daycare and a part time nanny. I watch them at home when sick or needing to quarantine, which serves up the most challenging days.

Jamie, east coast mom with 1 child (age 8 m/o)

Work scene: I went back to my full time job in late September (after four months of paid family leave). I’m typically in the office two days a week and WFH the other days. I work as a Director for a large biopharmaceutical company and have thankfully been able to do a hybrid schedule, which has been great for me as a new working mom (hopefully that flexibility stays)!

Childcare scene: My husband WFH part time and is the main caretaker of our daughter during the work week. I try to cover a feeding, diaper change or squeeze in a stroller walk in between meetings when I WFH. Every week is a busy frenzy of multi-tasking. We’re currently looking to hire a consistent part time nanny to help balance our work and parenting duties.

Nothing like a good kid cameo in your meeting.

Looking to hire a babysitter or nanny? Bell Family Company provides fully vetted & FULLY VACCINATED on-demand babysitting, including full and part time nannies, baby nurses, temporary care, help with virtual learning, and more! Learn why BFC is the best childcare agency, with childcare providers available across the U.S. (on-demand service available in the tri-state area). Contact us today to hire!

Parenting

Manners Matter

One thing that never goes out of style … manners. In an article published by Dana’s Kids, they talk about how building manners is like building muscles. The more you use them, the more they grow.

So how do parents instill manners in their children? The article goes on to explore four different methods:

Model.  Model. Model. It doesn’t matter how much you nag your child about remembering to use respectful language, nothing will ever replace modeling. Your child hearing you say “please” and “thank you” will be the cornerstone of their learning to do the same. 

Set them up for success. This conversation will look different depending on your child’s age, but you can help your children think about what to do in a variety of scenarios where manners matter prior to that event. Heading to an outdoor holiday event? On the way, talk to you child about three good rules to remember when being with family or receiving a gift. 

Allow for variation. Depending on your child’s age, developmental ability and temperament, verbal manners may be more challenging.  Think together about other ways to acknowledge people around you. A high five (or elbow bump these days), wave, or a thumbs up and big smile might be a starting point for your child. 

Repetition. Building manners is like building muscles. The more you use them, the more they grow.  

For the full article from Dana’s Kids, click here.

Parenting, Uncategorized

What Parenting Style Are You?

As the oldest of five girls – with three of us having children of our own – it’s interesting to see how different we parent our children. Based on the descriptions below, we are each a combination of different styles. How can that be when we were all raised by the same parents in the same house? Well, as pandemic fatigue sits in, we as parents are losing our patience quicker than usual or just giving in. As a result, it’s causing us to switch our parenting style.

The four types of parenting styles are:

Authoritarian or Disciplinarian

  • Parents use a strict discipline style with little negotiation; punishment is common
  • Communication is mostly one way (from parent to child); rules usually are not explained
  • Parents with this style are typically less nurturing
  • Expectations are high with limited flexibility

Permissive or Indulgent

  • Parent discipline style is the opposite of strict; there are limited or no rules; children are expected to figure out problems on their own
  • Communication is open, but parents let children decide for themselves rather than giving direction
  • Parents tend to be warm and nurturing
  • Expectations are typically minimal or not set by these parents

Uninvolved

  • Parents give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way
  • No particular discipline style is utilized; lets the child(ren) mostly do what they want
  • Communication is limited
  • This group of parents offers little nurturing
  • There are few or no expectations of children

Authoritative

  • Parents are reasonable and nurturing, and set high, clear expectations
  • Children with parents who demonstrate this style tend to be self-disciplined and think for themselves
  • Disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons behind them are explained
  • Communication is frequent and appropriate to the child’s level of understanding
  • Authoritative parents are nurturing
  • Expectations and goals are high but stated clearly; children may have input into goals

Parenting

Transforming Your Home Office Into a Mini Classroom

My neighbor completely transformed her home office into a classroom when she decided to keep her kids home for the time being due to COVID-19. The office meets classroom space is truly amazing! She built cubbies to make the kid’s lockers (like they would have had at school), the alphabet is hanging on the wall, there is an art center and library with hundreds of books. Mama’s are killing it, and it’s because of their hard work like this to make their children’s lives as ‘normal’ as possible during the pandemic.

No matter what your comfort level, I’m seeing mamas work their tail off to make their child’s life happy and fun. Another mama who is keeping her 7-year-old twins home from school for the first semester put together a deal with Grandma to offer a two-day-a-week ‘boarding school,’ where the twins pack their bags and go spend the night at Grandma’s house who helps with virtual learning. A solution like this gives the kids a new face, environment and relief for mama!

Another two moms put together a regular playdate with their toddler boys, switching off homes and spending two hours twice per week getting some socialization. The kids hang out upstairs with a regular babysitter in a fully stocked playroom filled with games, books and activities to follow during their school session.

It’s amazing what I’ve seen put together. Way to go mamas!

Example of an office turned classroom from a BFC mama

Looking to hire a babysitter or nanny? Bell Family Company provides fully vetted on-demand babysitting, including full and part time nannies, baby nurses, temporary care, help with virtual learning, and more! Learn why BFC is the best childcare agency, with childcare providers available across the U.S. (on-demand service available in the tri-state area). Contact us today to hire!

Parenting

“You’re Going to Timeout!”

One of the most dreaded phrases as a kid is hearing, “You’re going to timeout!” The words spoken by parents to their mischievous little ones after they’ve been acting out. I remember hearing those words from my parents as a kid, and it always seemed like they came out in slow motion.

Timeouts can be a tricky business. What’s classified as a timeout? Are timeouts helpful for children? Are there better ways to discipline children?

We found an article published on Time.com, which touches on the “timeout” idea, along with other affective ways to discipline children. These tips are great to keep in mind whether you’re a babysitter, nanny, parent, or anyone working with children on a daily basis. We’ve outlined some of the key takeaways below, but encourage you to read the full article on their website here.

Let natural consequences play out. For instance, if a child is tossing their crackers on the floor, don’t pick them up. At a certain point they will learn that throwing their food on the floor means they no longer get to eat it.

Try some logical consequences. When natural consequences are not doing the trick, stepping in to create a consequence of your own can work well. For instance, removing the toy being chucked at the wall and locking it up for the rest of the day.

Guide the child to better behavior. “Discipline means to teach,” says Dr. Ben Siegel, chair of the AAP committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child & Family Health. Siegel recommends guiding children to appropriate behavior by giving them choices. For example, if a child doesn’t want to put on their jacket, a parent could say, ‘fine, but you have to carry it.’

Looking to hire a babysitter or nanny in NYC? Bell Family Company provides fully vetted on-demand babysitting, including childcare for when a child is sick, full and part time nannies, baby nurses, temporary care and more! Learn why BFC is the best NY Childcare Agency servicing the tri-state area. BFC is the best in the business! Contact us today to hire a nanny in NYC or to book the best babysitters in NYC!

Parenting

Parenting Tips to Make Discipline Stick

Growing up, my sisters and I knew all about what the word “discipline” meant. For us, it usually involved things like the time-out chair, stripped phone privileges (we’re talking landline phone here), weekends spent at home, or the mega, Mom uttering the words, “Wait till your father gets home.”

It seems as if over time the definition of “discipline” and the actions around it change as the generations do. I’m guessing the word meant something completely different for my parent’s parents, and will evolve again with young children today.

So, how can parents all be on the same page as to what discipline means, and how can it be implemented in parenting styles so it is successful with children?

In a recent article published by The Bump, they focus their subject around discipline. Researchers, Scientists, and Experts gathered a list of 27 tips to help parents make sure that discipline sticks with their children. Read below for a snapshot of the four discipline rules and for the full article and tip list, visit The Bump.

Rule 1: Stay calm – Showing composure will teach your child how to properly manage their emotions from angry to a calm state.

Rule 2: Teach a lesson – Turn to timeouts when your kids are old enough to potty train.

Rule 3: Set expectations – Bring up the possibility of discipline and try to articulate that specific rules are not flexible. 

Rule 4: Don’t tolerate violence – Don’t use violence. Modeling proper behavior is more practical than telling a child how they should act.

Written by Taylor Bell, Marketing & Social Media

Parenting

Ways Your Organization Can Help Support Working Parents

A great article, as originally published by Harvard Business Review, shares ways on how the workplace can support working parents and help offer what employees everywhere search for; a work-life balance. 

Below are a handful of approaches pulled from the full article that are said to be some of the most effective in getting results.

  1. Start with the facts: Before launching any support programs for working parents, gather the relevant data: Where do parents sit within the organization? What are their attrition patterns? What information can you gather from annual performance reviews or culture-survey data — or simply from informal conversations?
  2. Define the demographic: Most companies concentrate their efforts on “visible working parents” — e.g., new biological mothers — focusing all programming on lactation rooms and other relevant supports. While these are positive, laudable steps, they address the problem too narrowly. Working parenthood is an 18-year job, and it is done by both men and women, biological and adoptive, gay and straight, in all kinds of family structures. Aligning your organization’s programs to this reality better targets the issue.
  3. Acknowledge and foster peer-to-peer learning: Providing basic guidance, even simple talking points, to these internal “peer coaches” enables them to deliver the right messages when it matters.
  4. Become a market maker: Leverage your organization’s existing infrastructure to connect working parents and to make practical aspects of parenting easier. Goldman Sachs’s “Help at Home” intranet bulletin board allows any employee to trade tips and leads on child care.
  5. Focus the resources you do have on key transition points: Coming back from leave, welcoming a second or third child, or accepting a change in role or schedule are just a few of the transition points that can derail or strain the most competent working parent employee. That’s why concentrating benefits and programming on these critical points can yield significant return on investment.

 
Read up on the few additional ways your organization can help support working parents, by reading the full article here.