Tag Archives: nyc

Are You Really Sorry?

At BFC, our sitters are trained to help children manage  inevitable conflicts and unhappiness. However, when children are playing together nicely, sometimes even a small things can become challenging. Dana Rosenbloom, Owner and Therapist at Dana’s Kids, explores how we use “I’m Sorry” in place of fostering meaningful interactions between our children.

The Problem: Children can be playing nicely together at a birthday party or event when suddenly a conflict arises. Or perhaps two children are sharing and enjoying each other’s company when one leans over and grabs a toy, pushes the other child, or bites the other’s arm.

The Age Old Solution: Parents are quick to tell their child “tell them you’re sorry!”

Why It Doesn’t Work:  Children, in an attempt to appease their parents and stay at the birthday party, will often say I’m sorry and move on. However, oftentimes the children do not actually know why they’re saying sorry or the meaning behind the phrase.

The Solution: There are a few ways Ms. Rosenbloom suggests for teaching young children better and more genuine ways of handling these situations:

    • Instead of asking children to say “I’m Sorry,” teach them to “check in” with the victim. They may ask them if they’re okay or if they need help getting up.

    • Make sure your child waits and listens to the response instead of just asking the question and walking away.

  • If the other child is hurt, you may teach your child to offer assistance. This could be in the form of bringing them ice, a tissue, or a band aid. This will build problem solving skills and empathy.

  • For older children, help them to identify the other child’s emotions. This can be done by helping them think of a time they felt the same. This will also give them an opportunity to think of realistic ways they can help the victim.

For more information about teaching your children about “I’m Sorry” and other alternatives, check out Ms. Rosenbloom’s article.

Tips for Staying Sane and Raising a Good Citizen

Raising kids is hard, and every parent is striving to do their best. That’s why we love honest articles like this one from Scary Mommy.

The author leads us through how to “give yourself the best odds of producing a great human being, and also make it through the first 18 years of his or her life with your sanity (mostly) intact.” Check out her top ten recommendations below:

  1. Teach your kid to sleep and stick to a schedule (for bedtime and naps)
  2. Stop comparing yourself to other parents and know that social media is just a portrayal of all the pretty things!
  3. Accept that there is no easy button
  4. Be consistent and follow through
  5. Give your kids responsibility
  6. Stop making excuses for your kids
  7. Be flexible
  8. Don’t be afraid to say NO. You can check out our in-house nanny coordinator Ali’s thoughts on this one too on our blog.
  9. Let them fail (this one is really hard!)
  10. Chill- think if this is something that’s really important in the big picture? That mustard stain on their shirt in the school picture will only be hilarious 10 years down the line.

Are there any others they missed? Any you have trouble with? We’d love to hear from you!

 

Sitter & Kiddie Fun in Tribeca

Start the day at Kitchenette, a cute restaurant on Chambers Street. My recommendation is the Hole in Bread; it’s delicious! 

Make sure you have the stroller with you as the next item on the agenda is walking to the swim class (make sure the tummies are settled first, of course!). Swim class is located at Imagine Swimming. The pool is suited from ages 6 months to five years.

Head home for lunch, maybe a treat & nap time if needed.

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Next up, head to the local park. Pier 25 is a fun area in Tribeca! Make sure to pack some snacks & games for a picnic in the park!

Last head home with a worn out and sleepy kid!!

MDW: Red, White, & Bell

Memorial Day is a federal holiday for remembering the people who died while serving in our armed forces. The weekend is also the much-anticipated start to the summer season. We’re excited for another summer of adventuring, camps, family vacations, beach time, relaxation, and more!

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Check out some of our favorite memorial day activities for little ones below:

1) Celebrate all of the solider and veterans in your life by attending your local parade. Also check out fun events such as the Grand Procession at the Green-Wood Cemetery, which will be transformed into a Civil War-era commemoration and festival on Saturday.

2) If you’re looking to get out of the city, but don’t want to hit a lot of traffic, Governor’s Island.

3) Head to the beach, and take a BFC sitter if you need an extra hand! Beaches like Coney Island, Jones Beach, Brighton Beach, Orchard Beach, and Rockaway Beach are all easy commutes from the city and boast plenty of sand and sun-filled fun!

4) We also love heading to museums and the zoo on weekends like this! Since so many people are headed out to the beach, attractions like this usually have shorter lines.

5) As the sun heats up on Monday, you might want to bring the kids to some water attractions. Mommy Poppins created a great list of water parks in the area here.

Overall, enjoy spending time with your family and celebrating

BFF – How we Keep the Family

Company culture is something that’s important everywhere, and we agree! The BFC culture and amazing staff are what keeps our member families and sitters coming back year after year. Ever wonder what the special sauce is?

We recently came across this great article on former start-up Airbnb and how they handle bureaucracy and maintaining the close-knit feel.  CEO Mike Curtis noted: “the antidote to unproductive bureaucracy is good old-fashioned judgment — having it, hiring for it, and creating conditions that allow people to exercise it.” He also noted that one of the most crucial elements of this is building a trustworthy team filled with trustworthy people.

As many of you know, our hiring process is intensive and thorough. We make sure that our people are coming in with the right attitude and “special stuff” to fit in with the company goals. We support and trust all of our sitters and staff, and as a result, so do our member families!

Check out the rest of the Airbnb article here for some more interesting tidbits!

BFL – Nanny Whisperers

I had a chance to talk with Nanny Whisperer Tammy Gold, LCSW, MSW, CEC, whose book was reviewed recently on these pages. As founder of Gold Parent Coaching, Gold is one of the most sought-after parenting and childcare experts in the country, and is a frequent guest on TV’s Good Morning America and Today.

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From your background in child development, what have you discovered about the importance of quality childcare?

As a therapist who worked with children, and a supporter of Attachment Psychology, I knew that quality childcare is critical to a child’s well-being. Two things occur: First, as a child’s brain is growing and developing (90 percent of brain development occurs by age 3), caregivers can have a large effect on cognitive development. By talking, laughing, engaging with and simply responding to a child’s needs, caregivers literally help create neural pathways in the child’s brain.

Second, according to Attachment Psychology (Dr. John Bowlby) and Psychosocial Development (Dr. Erik Erikson), caregivers literally shape who children become. During infancy and the early years, having a loving, responsive, regular group of caregivers allows babies to become attached to others and feel secure. Erikson describes this as learning “trust versus mistrust.”

Babies who have an uninvolved, unresponsive caregiver lose trust and cannot move through each developmental stage. Every developmental stage requires a devoted and loving caregiver who can stimulate and support the child’s developmental milestones. If the caregivers are not paying attention-often on their phone, unsupportive, or not fostering a child’s ability to play, explore and learn-they hinder developmental advancement.

What are some of the common pitfalls parents fall into when they look for a caregiver?

Parents often rush to hire a caregiver and fail to zero in on the important items. Whether it’s choosing a daycare center, a nanny or a babysitter, parents need to allow themselves plenty of time (ideally 3-4 weeks) so they can outline their needs and make good choices.

Studies show that stress interferes with clear thinking, so if parents are stressed and pressed for time they can overlook qualities they are uncomfortable with-such as a nanny who may be too quiet or a daycare center with not enough staff-because they feel pressure to choose.

Parents also tend to look first and figure out later what they need in a caregiver, which wastes time and causes stress. Parents also tend to push themselves to make their hiring decision during the interview phase, but decisions are best made after conducting daycare trials or nanny trials to really assess if the child and caregiver are a match.

Finally, parents often choose a friend’s or relative’s nanny. But just because a nanny was great with another family does not mean that person-or a daycare location-will be right for their own needs.

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What would an ideal nanny look like?

The ideal nanny is someone who loves children, has a positive and happy attitude, and is receptive and attentive. Parents tend to focus on a candidate’s education (which can be a plus), but a nanny can have little education and still possess the essential skills to promote cognitive development-such as engaging with children, having the patience to handle and support tantrums and disappointments, and most of all, having a flexible and devoted attitude toward the entire family unit. An ideal nanny is never cranky or snappy; as a paid caregiver, nannies must maintain a personal and professional demeanor for a child’s continued well-being.

If a babysitter comes only occasionally to care for children during hours when they are mostly sleeping, parents need not be as discerning about the babysitter’s manner or level of interaction. However, a nanny who comes regularly from week to week must be warm, upbeat, loving and receptive so that the child feels safe, loved and stimulated.

In my book, Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer, I present a detailed, step-by-step process parents can follow to find, interview, hire, and manage a caregiver who is ideally suited to their child and to the family’s needs.

Teething Toddlers: What to Expect

“Teething is the pits!” my friend told me.  I had no clue what an understatement that would be.

As a first time mom, I had no idea what to expect when it came to teething.  The pediatrician said I will detect excessive drooling but that’s it.  She failed to warn me of hunger strikes.  I was thoroughly confused when Kermit, at 6 months adjusted age, abruptly stopped nursing and drinking from a bottle.  Complicating matters, his teething directly coincided with introduction of solids and doctor mandate for him to gain more weight since he was falling off his growth curve.  My pediatrician, who I totally respect and value, instructed me to make a “valiant effort” to feed Kermit 30 oz of milk and 3 solid feedings of diluted rice cereal.  Seriously, I spent every ounce of energy trying to feed my child.

I would wake him up two times in the middle of the night because that’s when I found him to be more amenable to drinking larger volumes.  Until he stopped.  I would sit for an hour at every solid feeding waiting for him to open his mouth.  I would sing and dance, make crazy sounds by smacking my lips, and tickle him for any opportunity to shove the spoon into his mouth.  He got smarter:  he’d laugh with his mouth closed.  I laughed and cried to the point of exhaustion.

I finally figured out he was teething when I heard loud shrieks in the middle of the night.  For an infant who loves his sleep (he could sleep 12-14 consecutive hours throughout the night at 4 months old), something was amiss.  After three weeks of his food strike and interrupted sleep, Kermit cut his first tooth on New Year’s Eve.  His second tooth emerged three days later.  He had mild discomfort for the next two weeks and then the symptoms reappeared with great force.  His uppers came in—4 at the same time!  Let’s just say feeding and sleeping was even more miserable for both of us.

I almost cried when I learned babies grow 20 primary teeth by age 3.  TWENTY!  According to Baby Center’s website, this is the order of appearance:
1.  2 lower central incisors at 4-7 months old
2.  2 upper central incisors at 8-12 months
3.  2 upper lateral incisors, right and left of center, at 9-13 months
4.  2 lower lateral incisors, right and left of center, at 10-16 months 5.  2 upper first molars, the wider teeth second to the back of the mouth, at 13-19 months
6.  2 lower first molars at 14-18 months
7.  2 upper canines/ cuspids, which fill the gap between the incisors and first molars, at 16-22 months
8.  2 lower canines at 17-23 months
9.  2 lower second molars at 23-31 months
10.  2 upper second molars at 25-33 months.

If you pay close attention to the age of each tooth’s appearance, there is a lot of overlap.  Like I mentioned earlier, Kermit got his upper central and upper lateral incisors all at once.  I suspect he is getting his upper and bottom molars simultaneously as I write.  Poor little guy.

Most reference guides list drooling, gum sensitivity, irritability, gnawing behavior, refusal of food, and sleep problems among teething symptoms.  One must read between the lines, though, to understand the extent of the experience.  Sleep problems translate to sporadic deafening shrieks in the middle of the night; refusal of food can last for weeks; and irritability demands constant attention to baby’s clingy-ness.  In addition to these symptoms, Kermit would tug on his ears and cough a lot before a tooth cut through the gums.

The one thing I wish someone told me at the beginning of this process is:  your baby will not go hungry for the duration of the food strike.  He will definitely eat when he’s hungry.

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Treatment for teething pain include:  cold things, pressure, topical medicine, painkillers, and homeopathic remedies.  I tried all of these suggestions except for topical medicine (e.g. numbing cream or gels) because, as one friend warned:  what numbed the front can numb the back of the mouth resulting in gagging.  Of course, this was my personal decision.

Kermit predominantly found relief in iceys and anything cold.  I would make flavored ice cubes out of puree and milk.  I also would feed him cold milk on some of my more exasperated feeding days.  My friend made cold or frozen washcloths for her twins’ comfort which Kermit also loved.  To soothe his growing discomfort throughout the day and particularly at night, i would preemptively give him homeopathic chamomile drops every 6 hours.

On really really bad days when he would awaken every hour in pain, I gave him half doses (that the pediatrician recommended according to his respective weight) of acetaminophen only at night time.  I also made the personal decision to give him painkillers for a maximum of three consecutive nights followed by at least two nights of no administration.  My rationale was I did not want him to be too reliant on acetaminophen because he may have a lower threshold of pain when the molars and canines appeared.

Currently, Kermit has 6 pearly whites and, I think, 4 molars cutting through the gums.  He will not let me near his mouth.  He will sometimes eat solid chunks only if he can administer the feeding himself.  He likes to test his teeth while eating puffs and wafers and gnawing on his crib rails.  We await for another 10+ teeth.  God help us.

Despite the hardship, it’s undeniably cute when he smiles his little chipmunk gap toothed grin.  It melts my heart every time.

-Jeanne

Impromptu Child Activities

Parents sometimes have to bring their kids to places where there isn’t readily available entertainment or are running low on fun ideas. Our BFC sitters are experts in drumming up ideas, so we figured we’d share some impromptu child activities:

  • 1. Host a Hoola Hoop & Limbo contest with the neighborhood kids! Have the kids make signs & promote the contest.  Invite parents to attend, set up & play!
    Props: hoola hoop & some music
  • 2. For the car ride, play rounds of “I Spy”
    Props: Nothing necessary!
  •  3. Play a game of Keep it Up!  This is classic, get a balloon or pool ball & play rounds of keep it up. This game can be played anywhere & it can go on for hours.  Make teams, play-one-on-one & more.
    Props: Balloon or pool ball
  • 4. Duck, Duck, Goose.  Okay another classic.  This gets the kids outside or can be played indoors & encourages them to be active!
    Props: Nothing necessary!
  • 5. Hot & Cold Treasure Hunt.  Designate one person to be ‘it’ & direct the other person to go find the hidden treasure by following the map.  ‘It’ is responsible for telling the other when they are ‘hot’ or ‘cold’
    Props: Treasure map style-hide toy(s) through the house & then map it out for them to follow

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If you do not have any props/toys to work with here are some other fun ideas!

  • 1. Read books (maybe rent a few from your local library to bring with you on your outing)
  • 2. Color (bring crayons and construction paper if you have on hand)
  • 3. Dance parties (a Bell Family  favorite). Download kidzbop on pandora for an instant dance party; they also have a children’s sing along station which could be fun!